I have been exposed to so many unhappily married people. I feel as though most of the time society (like fashion trends, fancy cars, or skinny women) gives people the impression that getting married is what they should do, or should force themselves to like, or should stay in even though they’re unhappy.
I think one of the most important prerequisites to marriage or relationships is not sex (really it’s not!), having things in common, trust, or even friendship… it’s intimacy. Intimacy meaning: having someone who is particularly interested in what you are about, your goals, someone who studies you so carefully (but comfortably! Keyword: COMFORT not overbearing) that they can predict the way you work, rather than just end up working with you.
Intimacy doesn’t just mean “pillow talk” or “spooning” before bedtime: but understanding that people make choices and choose to be in relationships, or choose not to. It means that they aren’t in relationships for the sake of not having to worry about what it’s like to be alone, or worry of not finding anyone better than the loser they’ve got, but intimacy in a way that means you love someone on an intimate level of value, not because they make you a better person (although that is erhm erh erhm great) but because they constantly better themselves as better people and they share knowledge, thoughts, and additionally all of the essential properties of marriage as well. They’re specialists in you who wouldn’t rather be flipping burgers. They are present and strive to stay present at all times in the relationship. That is intimacy. Many people do not understand.Picture from a wonderful poetic prose book by Eula Biss: The Balloonists